I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
