some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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