I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
