i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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