just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
