Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
