Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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