found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
