Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
