If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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