Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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