Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
this just has baby written all over it
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
