Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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