that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We got so high we made milksteak
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
