By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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