I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
