My liver just broke up with me...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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