never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
