dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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