oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
