it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
