I've blown a few things in my day
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
