Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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