the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
