Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
