She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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