I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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