we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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