I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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