Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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