Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
