Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
tell me about the fingering
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