I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
