Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
