New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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