Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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