Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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