Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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