whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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