i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
