I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
