Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i now understand why vodka
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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