Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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