Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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