Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
