using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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