I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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