I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
