You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
