his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
